Love Languages and Recruitment

In 1992, Dr. Chapman wrote a book on the five love languages where he asserted that each person has unique ways of giving and receiving love. Chapman emphasized that understanding and speaking other people’s love language demonstrates care, respect, and comprehension of individual needs and preferences, which include words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch.

When communicating with others, we often express fondness according to our love language. For instance, if we value words of affirmation, we tend to compliment others. However, in doing so, we may inadvertently communicate in our preferred love language rather than the one the other person understands. While not a novel concept, this understanding is particularly relevant in recruitment, where limited time is available to convince candidates of mutual interest. To effectively engage candidates, recruiters must discern their love language and communicate accordingly rather than relying solely on their own.

To determine someone’s love language, it’s simple: ask them what makes them feel valued—whether it’s quality time, compliments, gifts, or acts of service. Don’t worry; you can’t offend somebody by attempting to value them. You offend them by failing to do so.

In this post, I’ll focus on words of affirmation and quality time, deferring discussion on acts of service for later. However, I will not address physical touch, as its appropriateness in the workplace is clear and requires no further elaboration.

Words of Affirmation

In the world of real estate, where competition is fierce and conflicts are common, a simple act of kindness can go a long way. It was Jordan Peterson who emphasized that people receive too little encouragement in this world and are starving for it. This sentiment resonated deeply with me, and I began to realize the profound impact words of encouragement can have, especially in recruitment. 

Whenever I venture downtown, I make a point of meeting up with one of my favorite people, Brendan, for a meal. I tell everyone we day drink and gossip, but we really talk about real estate rules and regulations, contracts, and real estate theory. One time, we spent two hours discussing spreadsheets. Sorry, Brendan, the secret is out. We sneak around and make spreadsheets – although the gossip sounds more fun. Yesterday, I tormented the guy with a rundown of the book I’m writing, and we got to talking about empathy and encouragement of salesforce. 

In particular, we engaged in a discussion about the difference between ass-kissing and encouragement, and it raised a good question. If you are an agent, when was the last time somebody you worked with said you were good at your job? It’s not often, is it? In fact, it’s quite the opposite most days. If you ask around, I’ll bet you find that most people in our industry receive more insults than compliments.  

This observation is quite intriguing, especially considering that words of affirmation are one of the primary love languages. In our line of work, where convincing people to spend money is our primary task, gratitude isn’t often forthcoming. Moreover, within the industry, our roles can be somewhat adversarial. Despite potential camaraderie, competition remains prevalent. Interactions with our offices often entail criticism rather than praise.

Words of affirmation play a crucial role in recruitment and retention. Giving somebody a well-timed compliment can have a profound effect on somebody as it instills a sense of worth and appreciation. In a field where acknowledgment may be scarce.

What I’m suggesting is this: when you meet with people, try to share a bit of kindness and empathy. Try to understand where they are coming from and see things from their perspective. People don’t want to be impressed, they want to be heard and understood. 

Quality Time

Expressing affection through quality time meansgiving someone your undivided attention, free from distractions. As a self-proclaimed quality time addict, this love language deeply resonates with me. For me, meaningful connections are forged when you are fully present, engaging in uninterrupted conversation and shared experiences. If you haven’t taken the time to sit down with me in a quiet space and give me your undivided attention, it’s unlikely we’ll make much progress in our relationship. I understand that life gets busy, and you may not always have the luxury of time, but for me, quality time is non-negotiable. Without it, forming a genuine connection is challenging, and the likelihood of us becoming close friends diminishes.

Now, here’s a sobering fact: various studies have shown that quality time ranks as the highest-order love language for most women, while simultaneously being the lowest-order for men. This stark contrast can pose a significant challenge in fostering emotional connection and intimacy between partners. It suggests that women may need to seek alternative ways to connect with their male counterparts, while men may need to prioritize setting aside more time for quality interactions.

Understanding and acknowledging these differences in love quality time needs can pave the way for more meaningful connections and deeper relationships. So, whether it’s carving out dedicated time for intimate conversations or finding creative ways to connect amidst busy schedules, prioritizing quality time can enrich our relationships and nurture lasting connections.